Beneath the stars

tonight heavenly eyes watch

as I search my soul,

my sins are ocean deep,

and I drown

and I climb a mountain steep,

who will listen to my prayers

as I lay them down in layers?

tonight I shed my skin

to be reborn.

I’ve never been myself before,

but tonight beneath these stars

I heed the call

 

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His perfect love

“Marry me,” said he
“I can give you what you need”
“What I need,” said she,
“No one can ever give to me”

“You don’t know where I’ve been,
you didn’t see what I’ve seen.
If you knew everything that I’ve done
you wouldn’t stay with me, you’d run.”

Eyes filled with tears, she pushed him away,
“Please go, I don’t think you really want to stay”
Turning her back, she dissappered into the night
the skies began to weep as she forsook the light.

“I’ll wait for you,” cried he
“You can always come back to me”
“Whenever you are in need,
call out my name and there I’ll be”

“I do know where you’ve been,
my love, I know everything,
I don’t care what you have done,
through my love all that is like none”

But he let her go, it was her choice to make
and he waited as she made many a mistake,
but in her darkest hour she remembered his name
and without hesitation to her rescue he came.

“Dance with me,” said he
“Here with me your wounds can heal”
“Here’s my hand,” said she
“Show me how I can be free”

“Cause I know that you’ve been
to places worse than I’ve seen
Everything that you’ve done for me,
I’m not worthy, but I want to be.”

So he took her hand and led her away,
to a place she thought she forever could stay.
“One day,” said he, “but now it seems”
that it’s time you go to fulfill your dreams”

No currency can buy it…

I packed my bags,
though the only thing I had
to fill them with,
was rags.
It didn’t matter,
I shouldn’t need price tags
on a dress of the latest fashion
to make me feel any more special
to keep me going, wherever.

So I packed my bags to leave
on a search for a place
where it was easier to breathe,
where maybe I might achieve
something,
believe in something,
something bigger than me,
bigger than you
something that, not only seems, but is true.

I dived into all the possibilities before me
so many promises
all empty
“life begins with…”
“just do this…”
“then take a bit of …”
sniff, sniff, I’m gettin a whiff
of lies, dipped in truth to hide
the futility of it all,

*sigh*, Whats wrong with you people?
Half baked truths
with a sprinkling of “just in cases”,
just to cover your backs,
in case of any attacks.

There’s no dedication,
this lack, is my frustration
and its not even like I’m any better…
I’m probably the worse of us all
When I have to do something: I stall
and I call it being careful,
sensible, not reckless,
but sometimes it pays to go all in
when its double or nothing:
win or lose.

So today I decide to choose
to do what I believe in,
cause I trust in my faith fully
and on this journey, I’ve already seen
how life would be
if I didn’t believe
and I cannot conceive
my life any way different than it is.

So, with my backpack as light as love
I glance to the sky above
and the sun shines through the rain
the sun shines through my pain
the sun shines, even through the dark.

Its easy to leave the place where I’ve been
cause in the sunlight I have seen
what love really means.

I don’t mind if they point at my bags
laughing at these rags I’m wearing,
cause I’m filled with the kind of gold
that is free to gain,
but precious beyond what I can explain
we all seek it and I’m willing to share
love – unconditional,
love – everywhere.

The seed

I clench my fingers together, curling my hand into a ball. Unclenching my fingers again I look down at my hand. A tiny seed lies in the middle of my palm, slightly rolling as I tilt my hand. It is the most magnificent thing I have ever seen, a seed so beautiful that its hard to describe. Despite its size its surface reflects every color you would ever encounter, off it. Its translucent beauty draws one closer to it, draws me closer. I want to keep it for myself. It would look beautiful preserved in a see-through locket. Everyone would be able to see the beauty I posess. I would share its beauty by displaying it in splendour. If I carry it around my neck, everyone who wanted could catch a glimpse as I haste by.

“You’ve got to let it go” His words brought me back from my thoughts.
Puzzled I reply: “But I just got it. Why should I let it go?”
“Search inside your heart, when you find the truth, you will understand.”

His eyes was sad when he said that, somehow I got the feeling that he knew what I was thinking and I felt ashamed at my selfishness. I realized that I had a difficult choice to make. I wondered what I should do. “What is the purpose of a seed?” The question popped into my head. Suddenly I knew what I had to do. I knew what he meant when he said I had to let go.

In soft fertile ground,
A seed of hope is planted –
Multiplying soon

In the doorway of hope

On my journeys I have found a strong sturdy boat.
Would you climb in with me? We can travel together.
The river is deep and dangerous, hold on to stay afloat,
we have to make sure we reach the other side.

Quickly come lets enter through the doorway of hope.
I see its light shining, beckoning from afar.
No longer do we need in the darkness to grope.
Here take my hand, let me show you the way.

Pour down your bucket of sorrow.
Your burdens now cast upon my shoulders.
The light will come dancing in the morrow
as the sun throws its light up into the sky.

The horizon set ablaze with such a passion,
together we’ll walk this hardened road.
Can you see where lies your salvation?
It patiently waits, in the doorway of hope

no poem

I can’t remember when this blog turned to a poetry blog.

It seems its the easiest way for me to express any kind of feeling.

I’m excited for what lies ahead for me, I know that God has great things in store for me.

Sometimes I get impatient and like the prodigal son I ask for my inheritance and leave the Fathers house, knowing full well that I’m about to squander it.  Still everytime I return He runs to meet me, clothing me once again with a robe of righteousness and restoring my authority as a daughter.  I don’t know why everytime I then go off on my own again, leaving behind the riches of a heavenly Father.

i’m not brave

when is the wind going to stop blowing
this is killing me the always not knowing
how can i find some peace if there is
this incessant persistent voice screaming
through my window around corners and over treetops
never giving me a chance to get out or up
and as the brave go out to confront this force
i realize I’m not among them

I’m not brave

not the type of brave that medieval minstrels would want to sing about
i don’t know much and sometimes the challenges i face: they all seem like giants
and if i were like David i would pick up five round pebbles and laugh at them
but instead i look around and i sneak away, taking a seemingly easier path
alas as all good stories go, I’d end up right where i originally started
and as i already said before

I’m not brave

but all eyes are upon me and the world is turned into my stage
and i realize its time for me to step out of my cage
but as I already told you I have never been brave
so now I’m walking through this land filled with giants
and I’m trying to muster some type of defiance
they’re closing in on me now, i feel surrounded
and suddenly without warning they have me grounded
reaching out I grab a few stones

I’m not brave

but now i have to open my hands to look at my prize
i fear these stones are all so small in size
but i can count them and yes there’s just about five
remembering David: i put a stone in my sling and fire
and I’m telling you there now definitely lies at least one dead giant

but as I said,

I’m not brave

ek luister

duisende stemme skree in my ore
maar daar is net een wat ek bo die ander hoor
‘n fluistering sag, gerustellend
die stem van God
soet en helend
en al wil my vlees iewers anders wees
ek kan nie sonder Hom
daarom te midde van verlatenheid en vrees
reik my ore uit na slegs sy stem

ek hoor my God,  ek luister
maak nie saak hoe sag U fluister

dreams

last night i had a very strange dream,

but I know it has a spiritual meaning

this is the second Sunday in a row that i had a dream like that

i hope i will be able to accept and learn from it

Psalm 78

A maskil of Asaph.

1 O my people, hear my teaching;
listen to the words of my mouth.

2 I will open my mouth in parables,
I will utter hidden things, things from of old-

3 what we have heard and known,
what our fathers have told us.

4 We will not hide them from their children;
we will tell the next generation
the praiseworthy deeds of the LORD,
his power, and the wonders he has done.

5 He decreed statutes for Jacob
and established the law in Israel,
which he commanded our forefathers
to teach their children,

6 so the next generation would know them,
even the children yet to be born,
and they in turn would tell their children.

7 Then they would put their trust in God
and would not forget his deeds
but would keep his commands.

8 They would not be like their forefathers—
a stubborn and rebellious generation,
whose hearts were not loyal to God,
whose spirits were not faithful to him.

9 The men of Ephraim, though armed with bows,
turned back on the day of battle;

10 they did not keep God’s covenant
and refused to live by his law.

11 They forgot what he had done,
the wonders he had shown them.

12 He did miracles in the sight of their fathers
in the land of Egypt, in the region of Zoan.

13 He divided the sea and led them through;
he made the water stand firm like a wall.

14 He guided them with the cloud by day
and with light from the fire all night.

15 He split the rocks in the desert
and gave them water as abundant as the seas;

16 he brought streams out of a rocky crag
and made water flow down like rivers.

17 But they continued to sin against him,
rebelling in the desert against the Most High.

18 They willfully put God to the test
by demanding the food they craved.

19 They spoke against God, saying,
“Can God spread a table in the desert?

20 When he struck the rock, water gushed out,
and streams flowed abundantly.
But can he also give us food?
Can he supply meat for his people?”

21 When the LORD heard them, he was very angry;
his fire broke out against Jacob,
and his wrath rose against Israel,

22 for they did not believe in God
or trust in his deliverance.

23 Yet he gave a command to the skies above
and opened the doors of the heavens;

24 he rained down manna for the people to eat,
he gave them the grain of heaven.

25 Men ate the bread of angels;
he sent them all the food they could eat.

26 He let loose the east wind from the heavens
and led forth the south wind by his power.

27 He rained meat down on them like dust,
flying birds like sand on the seashore.

28 He made them come down inside their camp,
all around their tents.

29 They ate till they had more than enough,
for he had given them what they craved.

30 But before they turned from the food they craved,
even while it was still in their mouths,

31 God’s anger rose against them;
he put to death the sturdiest among them,
cutting down the young men of Israel.

32 In spite of all this, they kept on sinning;
in spite of his wonders, they did not believe.

33 So he ended their days in futility
and their years in terror.

34 Whenever God slew them, they would seek him;
they eagerly turned to him again.

35 They remembered that God was their Rock,
that God Most High was their Redeemer.

36 But then they would flatter him with their mouths,
lying to him with their tongues;

37 their hearts were not loyal to him,
they were not faithful to his covenant.

38 Yet he was merciful;
he forgave their iniquities
and did not destroy them.
Time after time he restrained his anger
and did not stir up his full wrath.

39 He remembered that they were but flesh,
a passing breeze that does not return.

40 How often they rebelled against him in the desert
and grieved him in the wasteland!

41 Again and again they put God to the test;
they vexed the Holy One of Israel.

42 They did not remember his power—
the day he redeemed them from the oppressor,

43 the day he displayed his miraculous signs in Egypt,
his wonders in the region of Zoan.

44 He turned their rivers to blood;
they could not drink from their streams.

45 He sent swarms of flies that devoured them,
and frogs that devastated them.

46 He gave their crops to the grasshopper,
their produce to the locust.

47 He destroyed their vines with hail
and their sycamore-figs with sleet.

48 He gave over their cattle to the hail,
their livestock to bolts of lightning.

49 He unleashed against them his hot anger,
his wrath, indignation and hostility—
a band of destroying angels.

50 He prepared a path for his anger;
he did not spare them from death
but gave them over to the plague.

51 He struck down all the firstborn of Egypt,
the firstfruits of manhood in the tents of Ham.

52 But he brought his people out like a flock;
he led them like sheep through the desert.

53 He guided them safely, so they were unafraid;
but the sea engulfed their enemies.

54 Thus he brought them to the border of his holy land,
to the hill country his right hand had taken.

55 He drove out nations before them
and allotted their lands to them as an inheritance;
he settled the tribes of Israel in their homes.

56 But they put God to the test
and rebelled against the Most High;
they did not keep his statutes.

57 Like their fathers they were disloyal and faithless,
as unreliable as a faulty bow.

58 They angered him with their high places;
they aroused his jealousy with their idols.

59 When God heard them, he was very angry;
he rejected Israel completely.

60 He abandoned the tabernacle of Shiloh,
the tent he had set up among men.

61 He sent the ark of his might into captivity,
his splendor into the hands of the enemy.

62 He gave his people over to the sword;
he was very angry with his inheritance.

63 Fire consumed their young men,
and their maidens had no wedding songs;

64 their priests were put to the sword,
and their widows could not weep.

65 Then the Lord awoke as from sleep,
as a man wakes from the stupor of wine.

66 He beat back his enemies;
he put them to everlasting shame.

67 Then he rejected the tents of Joseph,
he did not choose the tribe of Ephraim;

68 but he chose the tribe of Judah,
Mount Zion, which he loved.

69 He built his sanctuary like the heights,
like the earth that he established forever.

70 He chose David his servant
and took him from the sheep pens;

71 from tending the sheep he brought him
to be the shepherd of his people Jacob,
of Israel his inheritance.

72 And David shepherded them with integrity of heart;
with skillful hands he led them.

– from the New International Version (NIV) of the Bible